Thursday, July 12, 2007

A Short Story


Love Happens

He was a short man of forty-five. Short because of his high-temper, his hastiness and ofcourse his height. His name was Richard Parker and he was quite good-looking for his age. He had a sort of businesslike aura about him. He had stubby fingers and was kind to people in general. He was fit and had deep blue eyes. He lived at No. 34, High Street and like most of New York City's working professionals he lived alone, occasionally going to the bar for a drink for he needed to relieve himself of all work-related stress, or else try to find himself some company.
He worked in a bank as a chartered accountant and he worked so much he hadn't any time for marriage or kids. Therefore, he was unmarried, celibate for as long as he could remember and extremely lonely. His work was monotonous and his salary exorbitant. Richard hardly slept for six hours and practically lived on innumerable cups of coffee. He often thought about changing his job, settling down, and making a family but these thoughts were fleeting as he didn't or mostly couldn't have time to think about love or marriage.
However, he still remembered the girl whom he so much adored. She was about an inch shorter to him; a petite woman with short and straight jet-black hair, sea-green eyes, a quick friendly smile and sweet to talk to. He would go to the nearby cafe where she worked and see her everyday as an excuse to buy his morning cofee before retreating to his boring little cell at the bank. But one day she left, like everyone in his life for a place called Takeeshi or something. He guessed it was one of the Asian countries and slowly moved on and forgot her.
It had been months since that happened, and sometimes he still thought about her. "She must be married and happy". Richard wasn't friendless, he had those kind of casual friendships with the barman(he did know his name, "Bob, i think"), his colleagues(though it was just all about "Hello, how are you?"), the launderer("He did lend me a nickel the other day.."), etc. etc. Yet the lonliness lingered. Sometimes, he would go to the park, mostly on Sundays when he would have leisure time to himself, sitting on the grass, reading those Sidney Sheldon books, or taking a mile-long jog.
On one such visit, sat on his usual bench and watched the passer-bys. He took out a ciggarette(he smoked only when he was particularly unhappy) and started puffing slowly. He felt intensely pensive today after a hard day's work, meditating on the previous week's sundry events. He was looking at the pond. A strangely large duck was waddling peacefully, it's eyes unblinking, almost fearful. There were schools of tiny fish swimming below and on a clear day, even the many silver coins would be shown, though now there were only slight traces of silver showing. People probably believed that it was a lucky pool; that they would get what they want if they tossed in a dime. Lazily, almost amusingly he dropped a small dime into the pond. The duck, slightly alarmed by this, swam a little further away from Richard.
He got up and started walking, he glanced towards the children's park, two-three year olds being carried or strolled around by young, vivacious parents and toddlers throwing loud tantrums of "Mommy! please let me go on the see-saw, pleeeasee!!" or running along excitedly trying to catch their little friends. He said to himself, a mere spectator, "How nice would it be to have one of them." Quickening his pace, he decided to get himself a pet. A cat, "no i don't like them", or maybe he would buy a dog. That would be nice.
Further ahead, he saw couples, either resting, jogging, chatting, or simply enjoying the place and each other's company. He breathed a sigh deeply(he must be right at the centre of the park, for here the air was pure, unlike the pollution of the city). " They are so much in love..what would it feel like to have someone who can read your soul, who can love you?" He wondered whether anyone would want him, who'd even care.Then as though on impulse, he started jogging rapidly, away from the world of lovers, away from that sinking feeling. He'd gone full circle of the circular garden and now found himself back at the pond. And then, just as he started approaching his bench, it hit him.
Sitting there on the seat, staring mindlessly into space with those bright blue eyes was a friend, a lover, someone like him, someone for him. She looked so sad, so lonely. Yet there was something about that kind of sadness, that kind of loneliness. "Yes," he thought, "She's just like me, she's been working tirelessly, trying to search for something important, someone important..".
He went upto her and sat right next to her. She looked at him wearily and somewhat hopefully. Then she managed a warm little smile. "She is so beautiful" he thought. Perhaps she found him the way he found her. Perhaps this was it. Slowly, Richard introduced himself and within minutes they had clicked, they were now discussing almost everything that happened in their buzzing, city lives. She suffered two failed marriages, was now working at the city zoo as a trailer, and her name was Violet. He thought, "Just like a flower is she, she has brought me her scent."
And when Richard went home that night, for the first time in his life he felt content. No amount of money or good health ever made him feel this way. He had her phone number, they would meet again tommorow and the day-after and the day-after that, same place, same time. That night Richard slept soundly, much more than six hours..after a long, long time.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

My Poems

Nature & Me

Sitting up, staring out,
Today I dream so pensively;
above the clouds that surround me,
What can there be?;
Wish I’d fly and see…
The casuarina tree in front of me,
Standing so tall so as to make me see,
The envious beauty of majestic spree…
Then, the clouds all like a crowd,
The silver lines and the sun’s lime,
All to make me smile…
I feel that kiss of the butterfly’s mist,
And that seamless river sings to me,
Of the plans it’s concave shores have for me…
Over the river and through the woods,
The cottage, oh! So history;
How lonely, and anticipated,
Reminds me of a mystery in a confusing secret…
The grey clouds crowning me,
Crying, with such joy and glee
Oh! Just how much do I love this rain on me…
Then I jump back to reality,
From immortality to mortality,
From pensive so happily,
I fall into the natural bliss;
Of eternal peace that’s always dismissed…

The end that never ended…

My world’s coming to an end
I’ve been chased away
Not quite convinced
I’m not only broken into two
But twisted and turned.
I’d lose myself completely
If I’d leave. Guess there’s no ‘if’,
Not that I’m stubborn
But if these tears turn into time
Not a page of my life’s fat book
I will ever turn.
Feels so dead, feels so lost
But though I’m so dead,
I don’t want to be buried
And though I’m so lost,
I don’t want to be found.
I’m not ready for the end
Nor am I for a beginning
I’m just flipping through it all
Unsatisfied with just how tall
This book of my life is.
Although I am in dreamy disbelief
My future has never been so close to me.
I’m not a kid, I’m not a baby,
But I’ve been driven away.
Why are people talking to me?
The best help is letting me cry.
Why don’t they understand?
This brief sedation,
And this emptiness altogether.
I want to be alone
Want to be outside-inside
But I still feel so in-between
I want to scream out aloud
Looking out, I want to look in.
So leave the unconsciously conscious
The hopelessly helpless,
And let her dream her living
The better ‘she’ for her selflessness
I’m not sulking it all
I don’t want to do it all
But without anything at all
I want to undo it all.

All My Life

I’ll be growing all my life,
Because every passing moment I’m better,
I’ll be learning all my life,
Because now the past feels lamer,
I’ll be crying all my life,
Because that will make me stronger,
I’ll be smiling all my life,
Because I know in my heart it’s easier,
I’ll keep my eyes wide open,
Because I never know when it gets faster,
And all my life I’ll be climbing,
Because that’s what ladders are made for!

Solitude

They’re all looking at me with obvious sympathy,
Is it because I’m this numb?
Or is it cause they think I’m dumb?
I can speak you know,
Things they will never know..
But I don’t care really,
I’m better off alone…
Wondering, wandering on my own.
I’m better off all by myself,
When I am figuring out life’s paths.
I wish they knew,
So that they couldn’t look throu
gh me..

To Console Oneself

My eyes are tiring away
And it’s so heavy on my heart
Every breath I take gives birth to deeper sighs
But I won’t cry
For my eyes are too stubborn
No, I won’t speak
For these lips would not dare
But I can’t fall apart
I have to live
And have to try to get through this
I can’t fall weak and waste time
I have to find a cure, I’m too sure
Cause there’s many things I have to do
Got to move on, it’s something I haven’t tried
After I cried and wasted my life,
And watched the walls crumble to the ground
But I know that it’s not that I won’t build them up once more
And build them strong…
Because I don’t want to trip again….

On The Wrong Sight

Things the way they are
Now why do they seem so far?
I sit here and wonder
What is it that I have blundered?
Things are different
And all it does is make me iffy
Things weren’t all so much icky
The way I’m feeling
The way it’s all changing
And why does it seem so hard?
And yet so much easy?
If only I could find the proper key
And learn to twist and turn it
I wonder how long I would take to open the door
But only, only if I have the right key
And yet I know I must have it with me
I know I’ll have to find it to be me.

Walking Away

Walking away now it seems so far
I think I should rest and see what I’ve passed.
I can see a line
A red dark line
Even though it’s getting on my nerves
I just can’t seem to notice
I’m sitting here and wondering
Why is it so embarrassing?
Is it the limit that I crossed?
Or is it merely the starting line?
I’d like to believe that
But all this crap I’m feeling inside
Only tells me that I should have realized
Before wasting so much of my time
And tripping over the line
Two years of buying some shit
From some boy I knew
Who laughed at me through
Now I realize
Now it puts me in shameful disguise
All I do is despise
But I still question myself sometimes
How could I ever have been so blind?

Changes

What changes did I see in you?
Did you cut your hair?
Or broke your heart again?
Are you pretending?
Or is this for real?
Cause the last time I saw you
You were real to me
So take off this mask
It’s the most important task
And let go, free me from this thunder
Cause this is like a faker
That’s making me hollow
And it’s becoming harsher
For me to see
If it is you, or is it me?

Listen, Won’t You?

Let’s go to the terrace
We need to find ourselves
It’s okay, you can spare me a little while
I can’t let this happen
We’re drifting away
I’m crying now
Will you come here?
I need your shoulder
I’m lonely, left out and I’m mourning for you
You are the only one who understands and knows me
I don’t want to smile now
Who am I faking anyway?
And I don’t want anyone else
It’s a horrible feeling
When I’m around
And I’m patting you to listen to me
Don’t you remember
The way we laughed and cried..?

Behind Black Eyes

Said those words
That made him a bird
Saying it is a mistake
Which now I got to repent
Want to just forget
But it keeps holding me back
Keeping me off-track
Such an annoying thought
That gets me caught up
All in all, I’m the one to blame
For setting this crazy sight
On you, to put me in shame
Now I realize after all the criticize
I hate him man (shit I spoilt it!).

Over-Replacing the grimace with senseless humor..

How long will you take to knock my door?
How long will I wait for you to score?
How long will it take for that one short glance?
I’m waiting here for you and will be for long enough;
Because just how long did it take for me to fall?
Just how didn’t I know it’d not work out?!
Now I know it never was,
After the blows that you had caused,
That made me take that one last cross,
Over your heart that never was!
I didn’t cry on that last goodbye
It was useless for me to even sigh
I didn’t even care
Because nothing’s what I got when I broke your heart
But I got one tart and left you with a fart,
And now you stink!
And now I must wink..
So that you can think,
That even I can blink!
And walk away, faraway
From where you are..
Because now there’s no bar
For me to stay
And watch you pray for me to leave
So that you can be free from the “flea” like me..

FRIEND-The Importance

I want this to go away,
It’s a terrible thing that just can’t stay.
It’s funny how I’m feeling inside,
Laughing as if I didn’t cry,
Crying as if I’ll never laugh.
Waiting for a thought I’ve still to think of,
I’m just so tired of listening,
When I’m dying to talk to someone.
All these lonely days,
There’s none left to love,
That you wish life would go away.

All the suicidal drama of me…

The anticipation grows,
Aye, doth nimble feet not be aroused.
The sighing continues forever after,
The lady screams in desperation for a life,
And the cowards moan to retire.
Yet the luckiest of them all;
Deserves beloved death.
You die again and again and life keeps watching…
Conscience ‘fraud’ keeps blinding something’s left undiscovered…
Death, be not afraid, overcome the whole of me…
Make me alive and whole again…..


Pretend

I’m just faking it all away,
‘cause it’s easier to let go
But still secretly have it
It’s easier to fake it
Than to face it
I’m just walking along the way
‘cause it’s better to never know
It’s better smiling than frowning
I am so lost today
And I can’t find my way
But that’s honestly OK
Never knowing whether I will stay
Never knowing where I will lay

To Be Loved…

You’ve gone faraway from me
I could’ve stopped it
But I sat staring at the walls
Growing old and turning into an empty page
You said you will return
Well, I’m waiting for that unexpected turn,
I am unloved.. Worthless and torn
Please come back ‘cause it’s hard living and breathing…
Waking in the morning, it’s hard facing and faking…
I want to believe that it’ll be okay…
That it is just a phase and you’re coming to stay…
But these shut doors and pains of my torn soul
Only remind me of your upsetting departure..
Loneliness has filled my soul
And it creeps inside and takes control
And I don’t know how to begin
‘cause I’m giving up on everything
I just wish you could come back
And everything would fall back
Back to the place where you belong
And back to being loved and cared for again
‘cause this feels wrong and its been so long
Since we’ve walked along
So come back, put an end to this separation
I need you the most now
I need to be loved…