Thursday, March 24, 2011

I'm Gonna Get Over You!

It was impulse that brought about what I did that made what everything else that happened, happen.
Afterward I was in hysterics.
This was followed by a numbness which brought about a kind of depression when everything, life, all seemed futile.
The depression got severe with each day. Fighting with the numbness it finally broke into full force a week after.
The gravity of what I did started to dawn upon me. It was then that it fully hit me. I felt sad, deeply, immensely sad.
For about another week this lasted, didn't feel like just a week though.
After this, I felt fine. Just fine. Not happy. But fine. The sad thoughts no longer propelled me to tears. I could handle it. Almost.
This is the last week. Come Saturday, it shall be a month since it happened. Goodbyes are always hard. They're harder still when it's one-sided.
I won't say I am sorry for myself, but yes I am sorry for what I did. But not sorry enough to want to undo it. I am just sorry enough to wish I never had to do it.
I hope that should suffice my conscience for now.
I am neither uncomfortable nor comfortable. I am just, somewhere in the middle maybe. But I know where I am going. I know time is a long and hard teacher. I know I will get to that warm happy place soon enough. And on Saturday I will commemorate this special hope and promise to self by eating a nice warmed-up-in-the-microwave chocolate crossaint.

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