Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Another rant of sorts.

I decided today to put on the blog all the un-blogged posts, like this one and the previous one.
About time. This one I wrote when I was holidaying in Hong Kong. One night when I was in the pensive writing mood.

I made an interesting find yesterday. There is no idea of self in Buddhism. Nor is there of god. Got me questioning my purpose of this holiday. I came here, away from the life I lead, from everything I know and am so comfortable with, to this different environment. I consciously thrusted myself into this newness of city and everything, hoping to rediscover myself. Reaffirm my identity. And here I’ve found a whole new perspective. A perspective, I’m afraid could if I dig in too deep, change everything I know. Redeem all that I believe in. It all made me think, is it really so much about finding who you are, or seeking who you would like to be? Is it more about understanding the truth or finding why it’s been a lie? I’m not making sense. Contradicting. And confusing. And not leading to any valid point being made. I know someone, rather got to know someone really well today. This person, so tactful and positive in her dealings with people, it really praiseworthy. I wish I’d be that firm, clear, direct, smart, calm, all that she manages to be. I wish I could be so many things. The day you find you are all you wished you could be, that’s when you can be truly content. Or the day you find you don’t need to be all those things, not need to have all these qualities, that’s when you can be happy. It’s your ticket to happiness. Happiness in itself is abstract. It cannot be defined as such. Because different things make different people happy. Happiness is subjective. You can feel super happy in the morning and by night be down in the dumps. Let’s not go there. The point I’m trying(not really) to make is that you shouldn’t strive so hard to be something when and if you know it’s not you. Okay. That’s not the point I wanted to make. I don’t know. Just want to write I guess. Feels good. Like I’ve done something. Goodnight world.

An excerpt from one of those tiny referral tourist-ish books I got at the Big Buddha. :)

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