Kamna's Blog

Try as you might, fear follows, like a shadow, in all your pursuits Fear is an internalised response to trauma from early childhood years The firsts of new experiences often force us to face fear head on The first time you are left alone to attend school or made to independently perform chores The first time you address a crowd or speak your mind during a conflict The overcoming of fear always involves negotiation and more Someone famously once said "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself" That makes so much sense because fear is such a predictable roadblock when charting any new path It is only once fear is renegotiated, harshly dissuaded, forcefully rebuked, overpowered with grit and sheer strength does it go away But it doesn't go away for good. It is also a self defense mechanism and therefore protects you from the foolishness of your impulses Truly it is foolishness that drives greatness The optimism of naivete propels you to attempt the seemingly impossible

Lady Danbury's handmaiden goes by Coral Everything in this room is covered in prints that are floral Including my pyjamas, and they are pink, just another detail you may find banal Tonight after many a night I've got a private listening session going with my favorite song playing plural That means multiple favourite songs not the same one on repeat, and it's the ones most jovial Including some that feel like hugs, comforting and sweet, although aural The poem where every line ends with a rhyme is a good one? It's merely conventional  Usual, ideal and bland, like oatmeal

Abundantly beguiled with adverbs Little sense prevails in fistful blurbs While insomnia disturbs me in these suburbs "Yet your faith remains in sleep tea herbs" Obnoxiously inane wordplay is my vice "It would be tolerable if it were nice" While a tsunami of ideas arrive undisguised Elusively my friend sleep skates over thin ice If not self pity, atleast I can self deprecate Although I can say this stuff's hard to replicate "Write for the sake of it, don't you complicate" Without an inner voice, nobody could placate Not subconsciously profound is my belief "This writing serves up only comedic relief" The seriousness if any, is unsuspectingly brief Comes and goes swiftly & cunningly as a thief I waited mere minutes, maybe three "To make the next line rhyme with 'free'?" Am I at Mount Everest, have I peaked? Or is it the intramural fibroid, BRB I must pee Aaand I'm back, you're reading never ceased An hour has p

The singularity of pain Dynamic Isolating Debilitating Compounding Hyperbolic Frightening Intensifying Seemingly without respite The pain of a stubbed toe Of contracting uterine muscles Of a dash of the shin into the edge of the table Of tiny joints in the knee collectively ganging up on you Exactly the same yet exactly different Pain is unifying Though solid yet fleeting A thoughtful "I know" A thought "this is the last of it now" Small kindnesses we give each other Making it just a little bit more bearable Pain lives in the brain Pain you can exorcise methodically  If you just calm your frayed nerves Control your breath, gradually unflexing The tightly held fists The strained thigh and glute muscles Pain is thus, purely physical, if only you separate the you from the you feeling it Pain shared is pain saved Pain spoken about is pain dissipated Pain written about is pain cathartically removed

I made that arduous journey today I thought that thought I went there where the full spectrum of what I could imagine was realized Mind, very unkindly, stretched to its maximum Manifesting my deepest fear just through the power of thinking it, and without any transit A red eye to what feels like self destruction  At 3.33 am, am I to find my way back to sleepy oblivion? Or am I too doomed, try as I might: A mere prisoner locked in my own brain cells for the night? I won't make any bones about it anymore Had I faced the morning without this forced revelation, I would have been weak Lasted about a miserable week Before the thought, unthought and elusive Would sprung up unwanted and unbidden And then I'd be a body of just namesake bones Not in the least ready to face the onslaught The attack of the most unpleasant of all ideas That one day all that will be left is bones Soulless Of the ones I hold on to so tightly That I harbour attachment to beings who are but a phenomenon called

My cuticles are a reflection of my state of mind It's an unsightly habit I inherited from my father over time My pauses aren't impregnated with the unsaid But are intervals of quiet non evasive pondering on the bed Thoughts about plastic beaches in the middle of the South Pacific Of forgotten starships whose remains lay embedded in the ocean floor, quite pathetic Wondering whether they are being missed by their motherships Time travelling to a random summer vacation day through tiny water sips The year was 2002 Had we slept early we'd have been in a better mood We were on either side of mummy It was almost too bright, just intolerably sunny Counting mum, myself and my sibling A pack of three strolling toward the Shiv ling So many selective little things continue from one to another Mothers to daughters were once a daughter to their mother Saree draping, chapati baking, vernacular speaking Amongst many, these three I'd like to learn, I'm keeping And pass on to the n