Monday, September 26, 2011

Reflections

Sitting in the backseat of her old Chevy
The girl is staring at herself in the rear view mirror
Her face is perfectly symmetric
Her eyes almond shaped
Her eyeballs the blackest black
There is a look of untouched innocence in those eyes
She's is but a girl of thirteen years
She is relaxed, and yet, has never felt a sense of such unprecedented gaiety before
She's on her way to a traditional ceremony
Her driver is driving swift and oblivious to his sole passenger
She is garbed in a red salwar kurta
Admiring herself, she feels no less than a bride
The hair is a symphony of soft musical waves;
A black cascade of dancing curls
The forehead is the size of her little finger
The eyebrows are slightly angular
The nose is long and straight and broad altogether
She has issues with her nose on an everyday basis
But not today.
Today she felt and looked the epitome of beauty
The lips are neither too thin, nor too thick
The jaw is neither high like a movie star's
Neither is it indistinct
The chin has a subtle dimple
The face is roundish, oval too
A smile appears, a small and vain appreciative smile
She is loving this moment of guiltless indulgence
She is loving herself
The smile widens to show her perfectly aligned pearly teeth
She moves up her busy gaze to each and every line and feature of her face
Then she closes in on the eyes.
She looks and looks, till a point where she shuts out all else
The smile slowly fades away
All she sees are the dark pools of her eyes
She doesn't feel her own presence
Time passes on.
Then her driver says, "We have reached."
And she jumps out of her reverie
She is greatly astonished;
Her reflection isn't hers anymore
She can't relate to that distantly beautiful face
Dumbfounded, she scrambles for the door and walks out
She looks at her legs moving forward
Depending on them to take her to a place identifiable
One step after another she takes, feeling numb and lost
She looks at her feet, her shoes; the shoes she meticulously picked for the occasion
And somehow none of it feels part of her
"Are these mine?
Who am I?
My name is Kamna.
Kamna. Kamna. Kamna. Kamna. Kamna. Kamna. Kamna. Kamna
Really? What a strange name!
That doesn't sound like me.
That is not me.
It's just my name.
Who am I then?
Without belonging, without associating with any one of these things I call mine, who am I?
This is my embodiment. I am trapped inside for as long as life takes me.
And I am to be responsible for, and aware of this body to serve my mostly selfish life goals.
It's like a game.
You don't know anything really and yet you have to ignore these life long unanswerable questions or lose your sanity trying to make sense of things.
Unless you have faith in a God.
That simplifies everything.
I don't want simple. Not yet."
Deep in thought, she hesitates, then enters the hall
Her friends greet her, some call out her name
The name she didn't even truly believe was hers not a moment ago
Looking at her hands, she abandons her thoughts
She finds solace in this familiarity.
For now, that is.

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