Saturday, October 08, 2011


I only name this Mowgli because, one, I mention him twice, in two different contexts. And two, because naming it 'ponderings' or 'thoughts' would make it super done. Oh, and because Mowgli is awesome.

Experiences form a mind. Each person is defined by their experience, good or bad. A great mind directly correlates to great experiences. Each experience good or bad, constitutes each part of your beliefs. You believe what you see, what you're told, what you feel. But these are all obvious statements. As usual, I have a string of questions to complicate the simplicity of this fact, like every other common knowledge -- which is basically what we have led ourselves to believe is true, and thus have created facts. We see the ground and say it's the ground. We've forged an identity for this thing that looks kind of groundy and so we call it the ground. What makes the ground groundy we know is by it's characteristics. You name a white dog snowy, for example. But again I am drifting from my string of questions.
Experiences; they ought to teach you something that forms part of things you build faith in or lose faith in. It formulates and shapes the way you think.
What if a bad experience, instead of lending good judgement, screws it up even more, so that you are forced to believe in untruths so passionately that it seems impossible for you to ever revert to yourself before that experience?
Is believing in the wrong that was the effect of that experience merely a state of fake wisdom, a false illusion that you are supposed to eventually grow out of and become a little more mature?
I hate that word, maturity. It signifies a state of conformity to normalcy; normalcy that is not even true, normalcy that is another fallacy created by everyone to maintain sanity. If we could do what we wanted whenever we wanted, if there was no lying, no wrongdoing, the world as we know it would fall apart. Truth is another fallacy which is confounding, because the word itself is so reminiscent of all that is honest and sincere. We need the lying, without lies nothing could exist. We tell ourselves things, lies, every second of the day. It's all a lie, what we see what we feel what we KNOW. What we know to be true isn't true for sure. The word know means you are told something or you have convinced yourself something. You can't just know anything. That's bullshit. If you give birth to a child and leave him to live alone. The trees the rivers the mountains aren't gonna take care of him. He'll die in 2 days. Well unless he's Mowgli.
Okay again, going back to the maturity topic. I hate having to mature. We tell ourselves it's the proper course, to "grow up", but question(s), where is the growing up when all we are learning to do is from what we see others do and what these 'others' tell us is the mature thing to do? Who told them how to be mature? Vedic scriptures, God books, self help books written by know-it-all life gurus? Shouldn't growing up come from doing things never been done? Rising, being different. I wonder what it feels like to be insane. Maybe that's something worth inspiring to be. Why strive for normalcy? Why be like everybody else? Why not aspire to know the unknown? Why, because of the sick undefeated ability of fear. It seeps inside and messes up everything. Everything we do is out of fear. We're doing so much, we become so mechanical about the doing of things, that the fear is minimized in the background and you never feel it or take notice of it anymore/ever. The truth is, we lie out of fear. Whatever we know, we have made ourselves know for fear of not knowing anything and going mad. But we don't know still, why going mad is such a bad thing. It could be the most liberating thing in the world.
It could be the most natural, the most simple thing in the world.
But our reasoning ability will never allow man to live simple. Or so we think, out of fear again I guess. Fear of the unknown which is so stupid yet totally understandable. I wish there was something you could get high on enough to forget the fear, maybe gulp down a barrel of beer? :)

Another thing I have been experiencing is this constant neverending need of man to be entertained. Why can't we sit idle? Why do we have to be in the state of enjoyment? It's the middle of the night, and after I am done with this I am going to things on my phone like check my facebook then my youtube and then google things like the hindi word for 'transcendental' and then if sleep is still far away, will make music with the nimble movements of my fingers against the bedside wood and then listen to a podcast or a song, then sit up and burp for a few seconds, then be fascinated with the building cats for five minutes, sit on the pot with the newspaper, or in the dark because I am afraid of moths that have on two occasions started to fly around randomly from nowhere as soon as I put the toilet light on... and then play Mowgli on my phone for half an hour and then... Okay maybe I should just meditate or count back from 1000, I read that tip online and it's worked a couple of times, I lose track around 600 and fade out. That ought to fix up the various glitches embedded in my brain. For the night. Isn't it so cool how you switch off for hours on end, unresponsive, and unconscious in world full of unexpected weird and wonderful dreams! :)
My idea for losing touch with 'reality' would be to get lost in a world full of lucid dreams and not even feel displaced or lost, but feel instead, a sense of complete belonging. I have in my life had only one lucid dream. Maybe tonight's my lucky night! :)

I still love Phil from Modern Family. I need to find myself some Phil in this world. I need Philly time. Maybe I should move to Philippines. Nah. Tobago still is looking very promising.


  1. I love the part where you talk about what you will do after you are done with writing this post. So funny and so you!