List Series: 6 Stupid Phrases That Make No Sense (To Me)

Idk why, tonight my mind is abuzz with ideas ever since I randomly wrote the first list in this series. Forgive me if the quality of these lists grow increasingly humourless and nonsensical. Wait why am I apologizing to a mostly known audience, you guys are used to nonsensical shit on here, why else are you even here otherwise?!

Anyway, let's get on with it.

1. "Beg to differ." Okay this one is stupid really. Nowadays if you differ, you just agree to disagree. Why will you be kind enough to beg? It's so jargon-ish. Not a lot of people use it anyway anymore unless they have to do some unavoidable ass licking to get what they want or they're old and that's how they're used to speaking, or they're really mild mannered (pussies).

2. "Beat around the bush." That's what she said, right! :P How does beating around the bush in ANY way imply not getting to the point? I know there's history to this one so don't go telling me it's justified. My Google whoring has made me very knowledgeable about these things okay! This one again is very jargon-ish. With time though it will phase out I suppose.

3. "Cat's out of the bag." This one is just confusing and mildly disturbing. What's the cat doing in the bag? Why? Is it alive? What kind of cat though? Is a small white really fluffy kitty? WHY is it in the bag and why are we removing it now? Why did you ever have to put it in in the first place?! Also again, that's what she said. :P

4. "Almost definitely." So stupid this one is. You can be "completely unsure" but can't be "completely sure." You're definite or not, wtf is ALMOST. What I'm saying is not very sensible but then if you know me you're not going to bother arguing.

5. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Well I beg (on my knees) to differ. 1. some things look better broken, some need to be dismantled to be usable. 2. who says only the broken needs fixing? 3. Fixed doesn't imply better.

6. "Why do good things happen to bad people?" Three words. Boo Fucking Hoo. How naive is "bad people" first of all? Maybe if you weren't such a dickless pussy (well obviously) you'd have the good things going for you instead of to this "bad" guy you speak so vehemently about. Maybe you ought to be "bad" if you want so badly for these "good things" to happen to you!

Kthnxbai

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