Friday, March 28, 2014

List Series: Things That Piss Me Off About Relationships

1. How narrow minded separating parents behave; they become so insecure, act immature and so full of hate and are shameless enough to advocate hate and want sides to be picked by their innocent children.

2. People's attitudes towards having children. They feel like it's their right to procreate and that at some point you have to "settle down" which unfortunately translates to reproduction. And their anti-adoption outlook, the whole you-can't-love-another-as-much-as-you-can-love-your-own bullshit. It's so ironic then that adoptive parents are more proactive about parenthood. And since when have we become so self-and-what-is-created-out-of-our-nether-regions centred? 9 times out of 10 you love hardest and deepest those things you can never hope to aspire to and that can never be truly yours, and the reason for this kind of love being that powerful is just that - because they're not yours. It's so annoying to see a young, heavily daft, physically beautiful couple talk about having kids having no parental instincts and only gushing at ideas the same thought process as "omg omg our babies will be so cute!"

3. Emotional neediness and vulnerability in someone who very clearly is better off but can't get themselves to identify their strengths. I could go on and on but I think less is more here.

4. The feeling of emotional entitlement between two people in or out of a relationship. Nothing pisses me off more than listening to someone wear my ear off about how after a bad breakup one of them felt like "I did so much for her/him and see what I got. *sob sob*" Boo hoo! You had it coming just because of that attitude. What especially irks me is when these things either of them have done are monetary. "You know I bought her a phone and a house and a car and she broke my heart." It's so characterless to align emotions with the value of money which when you comes down to it, is worthless. No one owes no one nothing.

5. The whole pretentious game. You know what I'm talking about. Chasing someone, playing hard to get, manipulating response times, manipulating every thing from texts to nuances of behaviour, the "silent treatment" (lol this is actually the absolute worst thing you could do), delaying forgiveness for petty non-crimes, "taking bhao" or acting like an egotistical maniac. Communication, crystal clear, and super honest is key and I don't ever see myself feeling any different about that.

6. Emotional blackmail. God I don't even think this requires elaboration. I absolutely can't stand people who dominate or "wear the pants" (a very homophobic phrase btw) emotionally in the relationship. I don't entirely condemn submissive behaviour, :P but nothing pisses me off more to see someone allow themselves to be ruled in a lot of ways just by the use of emotional blackmail by their "better halves" which again is another phrase that is so annoying.

7. The third party interference. If there's one thing I strongly believe in, it is that a relationship, any kind for that matter, should be between the two and just that. It is a bad idea on so many levels, to get an outsider involved. However close that person maybe to the two of you, he/she is still very much an outsider. No one knows as well all the details like the two of you do, it is you both alone with the shared history, even if said party's been around the two of you as a dependable true friend for the longest time. The only time this could be justified is if there has been miscommuncation and either of the parties have closed themselves off entirely and refuse to be reached by the "offending" party. Otherwise interference just makes everything messy and kills the sanctity of the relationship and it becomes all kinds of TV soap crazy and dramatic.

I find it incredibly amusing how wise I am about these things not having had experienced them myself (well not all of it) but rather just understanding and learning by observation. Okay that just sounded incredibly know-it-all ish. I'm not trying to be all sanctimonious and judgey and angsty (I'm very chilled out atm) but I can see how I might sound one or all of those things.

I think when you passionately write (read type furiously deaf and blind to the world around you) everything on your mind on a blog you become self-aware of how crap the writing is. Eventually. Lol.

"If I spend my time practising when will I preach?"
Kimya Dawson (and whatever her nether region spews) is a goddess and her words are pure gold and a thousand times quotable. For example, "Life is a poopstain." I'm going to let you think about the profundity of that quote now as I sign off. :)

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Vis-à-vis Dumb

There is a very misleading fallacy some of us are led to believe that we require saving. Such a thought process does nothing to increase your self worth, it just makes you emotionally volatile and messes you up real bad. Yet just the knowledge of how bad something is, isn't quite enough for someone to quit it or suppress it.

It's fortunate then, that there exists real things that can actually do this healing "saving" we so shamelessly seek. The absolute best thing I can think of that accomplishes this brave act is music. Anyone who likes music enough will tell you that music possesses a very potent power. The beauty of music is in everything. Even a person born deaf would understand the value of music. It's something so intimate and so incredibly personal. I feel like everyone has a rhythm. There's a reason why some people love a certain genre or have an eclectic taste like I do. The sound of silence is music, the most beautiful kind too! Nothing gives more absolution, and I can't think of a better combination or prescription to cure any ailment of the mind apart from that of time and music.

I honestly can't imagine anyone being completely immune or averse to music. I just refuse to accept that anyone can have lived a full life without having had music affect them in any way, how ever small that could have been. It could be a song from a distant childhood for the tough veteran; or a melody long forgotten for those who find themselves broken or lost.

When I think of love, I imagine that it's truest when it happens to you out of the blue: like when you least expect it, when you've never been happier with where and who you are in life. You can only dispense love when you have love to give, with no expectation or requirement of it coming back. There's a reason why love unfulfilled is called unrequited love. Because that kind of love seeks reciprocation.

Anyway, so real love only happens when there's so much love within you, that it feels like the most natural thing. The only way that you can fill yourself with love is if you feel capable of being loved yourself, if you feel worthy. You need to have a lot of self esteem, a lot of self affirmation to be able to love selflessly, because only then will there be very little expectation, because then, my main idea - YOU WILL NOT NEED SAVING. And we all know that the lesser you expect in general, the better your overall well-being.

But when (note: not 'if', because this kind of love is actually very intentionally fallen into) you fall in love when you're lost and are emotionally vulnerable, that kind of love is actually just a safety net; it's not real. You're not giving love as much as you're taking it. You're doing it because you're weak, or you can't imagine being alone, or you've gotten in too deep and can't afford to break hearts meanwhile might you break your own again all the more. That kind of love never sustains, even if you're forced to stick around for a lifetime. It's because we need something from someone that we act selfish. When you're self-sufficient and then love, that kind of love comes from a very sincere place, and requires no validation; it can flow relentless without wanting to be requited.

If there's anything I've learnt in these 21 years so far, it's that I need to have a clear conscience. I need to be able to be true to myself and always try and introspect after I do stupid things. And I do a lot of stupid things. You don't exist to be good to anyone. You exist to be good to yourself, the best version of yourself. Everything else, like peace and contentment (another fallacy) will follow then.

The most satisfying and calming feeling is believing, at all times, that everything is as it should be. If it could have been any other way, it would have been, as simple as that. And because time is constant, this philosophy actually does logically work because at every changing second, everything is, in each passing instant, as it should be. But no one dictates this. Mind you, I'm not implying there's a greater force at work here that is in charge of how everything "should" or "shouldn't be." There doesn't need to be a One who jobless enough to do everyone else's job. Your life is your own to do with as you wish.

You need to understand that you don't exist to take; you exist to give. But at the same time you need to constantly extract value and add meaning to everything you do to realise and be able to actually do any measurable giving. The worst thing we do as humans is mindlessly occupy. Every hour you spend watching a stupid TV show or playing a dumb game is an hour you wasted. You need to keep your brain active constantly, push your limits to achieve all that you are capable of achieving. Be whole and be forever consuming. You can never know too much, you can never be the biggest version of who you are and have been at any point. Every night you spend waiting for sleep to take you means a day badly spent. A day you've gone through working hard and striving and being productive will always end with you catching sleep very soon after you get into bed.

That said, you have to be wary of pushing yourself too much because that will lead you to stress, which will take you down a very, very self destructive path. There's nothing wrong with relaxing, that's why we sleep. You deserve to have a lazy day once in a while to re-boost your enthusiasm. We are humans after all and can't perform like clockwork. We can't be constantly pumped towards excellence. Our moods swing, we have our body and hormones to fuck with us, among other external things for example assholes to deal with in life. Our emotions do get the better of us and we need to humour them before they slowly turn us into wrecks who almost seem like they can't be helped.

Vow to yourself today: Stop with your mindless occupancy and don't just take space in the world. The world owes you nothing but you owe everything to the world, but most importantly, you owe it to yourself to continuously self improve. Because self improvement leads to a higher self esteem, and when you have that, loving yourself is simple. And why should you love yourself you stupidly ask? I've thought up up 31 reasons why you should. I'll stop with this writing now because I'm starting to sound very know-it-all, self-righteous and annoying to myself.

Sunday, March 09, 2014

Lightning Becomes Her

Thank the ideal alignment of the stars
Thank the way the moonlight weeps through the roof that's tattering
The storm has never been so welcome in all its destructive battering
The room is oddly bright even through the gloom
Resounding, almost audible within the walls, is her will to overcome
Her mere presence is fire
Friendship with darkness was too comfortable to forego before
But yesterday she sat cross legged on the ocean floor
Palms, faced towards the bottomless reefs, painted in sheets of scalding snow
Eyes burning with the threat of unshed tears
And then her heart stopped and panic struck
Death became her too but she missed the Blood Soldiers
So calling out to them in her meek ethereal voice
They found her, and marching hard, brought her back to life
Yesterday she hit her lowest point
Failure is beautiful because only it could break her
And broken now, she could hope again to be fixed
The perfect catalyst, it found her, and forced out of her an unfamiliar independence
Loss made her regress, slow to forget, no way did she believe she would progress
But today she finally understood:
Love was never real
It died a thousand inevitable deaths, while it lived two thousand inevitable births
It changed, sometimes growing to overwhelming selflessness
Sometimes shrinking to overwhelming selfishness
Love needed too much, took too much
Never yielding, never concluding
And today she finally discovered:
The light they all talked about was real; the one at the end of the tunnel
Time took her own sweet time though
She is fashionably, yet dependably late
And while you waited to be saved, defeated and hopeless
She sneaks up behind you
Takes you by the hand and walks with you
And then every day is new and full of promise
The newness is your very own refresh button
Every night of undisturbed sleep is a treasure
Every step is a burst of new found hope
And hope, really, is all she ever needs

And Then Some

The future holds a key to your past. The less your future will suck, the more likely you are to safely and surely lock the past where it belongs, behind you. If in the future there is a lot of misery too, it will be like that and you will not be able to let go of your past.

The important thing about science is, it does start with an assumption, but it battles it's own assumptions and tries to disprove them. The thing with religion is, it also starts with assumptions, but does not allow any kind of question about the assumptions. That is the big difference.

Just like you can't tell the denomination of a currency note just by feeling it, you can't tell the worth of anything just by feeling it.

You don't love till you may, you love till you can.

We break our own hearts.

How much people find something to be something defines to what extent said something is something. For example how much people find something to be funny defines how funny it is.

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.

The purpose of education is to replace an empty mind with an open one.

Death doesn't kill a proud person; his pride does.

Being loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

You cannot help someone who doesn't want help and it's people who most need help that don't get helped because they don't recognise it and so reject any motion to help and are unreasonable about it. The first step unfortunately to fixing a problem is recognising you have that problem. So meanwhile you are dealing with such a person all you can do is ignore them as much as you can. The best reaction is no reaction. And you do more harm and it's very counterproductive if you do react because that could lead to you losing your patience and doing something you will regret.