Thursday, March 13, 2014

Vis-à-vis Dumb

There is a very misleading fallacy some of us are led to believe that we require saving. Such a thought process does nothing to increase your self worth, it just makes you emotionally volatile and messes you up real bad. Yet just the knowledge of how bad something is, isn't quite enough for someone to quit it or suppress it.

It's fortunate then, that there exists real things that can actually do this healing "saving" we so shamelessly seek. The absolute best thing I can think of that accomplishes this brave act is music. Anyone who likes music enough will tell you that music possesses a very potent power. The beauty of music is in everything. Even a person born deaf would understand the value of music. It's something so intimate and so incredibly personal. I feel like everyone has a rhythm. There's a reason why some people love a certain genre or have an eclectic taste like I do. The sound of silence is music, the most beautiful kind too! Nothing gives more absolution, and I can't think of a better combination or prescription to cure any ailment of the mind apart from that of time and music.

I honestly can't imagine anyone being completely immune or averse to music. I just refuse to accept that anyone can have lived a full life without having had music affect them in any way, how ever small that could have been. It could be a song from a distant childhood for the tough veteran; or a melody long forgotten for those who find themselves broken or lost.

When I think of love, I imagine that it's truest when it happens to you out of the blue: like when you least expect it, when you've never been happier with where and who you are in life. You can only dispense love when you have love to give, with no expectation or requirement of it coming back. There's a reason why love unfulfilled is called unrequited love. Because that kind of love seeks reciprocation.

Anyway, so real love only happens when there's so much love within you, that it feels like the most natural thing. The only way that you can fill yourself with love is if you feel capable of being loved yourself, if you feel worthy. You need to have a lot of self esteem, a lot of self affirmation to be able to love selflessly, because only then will there be very little expectation, because then, my main idea - YOU WILL NOT NEED SAVING. And we all know that the lesser you expect in general, the better your overall well-being.

But when (note: not 'if', because this kind of love is actually very intentionally fallen into) you fall in love when you're lost and are emotionally vulnerable, that kind of love is actually just a safety net; it's not real. You're not giving love as much as you're taking it. You're doing it because you're weak, or you can't imagine being alone, or you've gotten in too deep and can't afford to break hearts meanwhile might you break your own again all the more. That kind of love never sustains, even if you're forced to stick around for a lifetime. It's because we need something from someone that we act selfish. When you're self-sufficient and then love, that kind of love comes from a very sincere place, and requires no validation; it can flow relentless without wanting to be requited.

If there's anything I've learnt in these 21 years so far, it's that I need to have a clear conscience. I need to be able to be true to myself and always try and introspect after I do stupid things. And I do a lot of stupid things. You don't exist to be good to anyone. You exist to be good to yourself, the best version of yourself. Everything else, like peace and contentment (another fallacy) will follow then.

The most satisfying and calming feeling is believing, at all times, that everything is as it should be. If it could have been any other way, it would have been, as simple as that. And because time is constant, this philosophy actually does logically work because at every changing second, everything is, in each passing instant, as it should be. But no one dictates this. Mind you, I'm not implying there's a greater force at work here that is in charge of how everything "should" or "shouldn't be." There doesn't need to be a One who jobless enough to do everyone else's job. Your life is your own to do with as you wish.

You need to understand that you don't exist to take; you exist to give. But at the same time you need to constantly extract value and add meaning to everything you do to realise and be able to actually do any measurable giving. The worst thing we do as humans is mindlessly occupy. Every hour you spend watching a stupid TV show or playing a dumb game is an hour you wasted. You need to keep your brain active constantly, push your limits to achieve all that you are capable of achieving. Be whole and be forever consuming. You can never know too much, you can never be the biggest version of who you are and have been at any point. Every night you spend waiting for sleep to take you means a day badly spent. A day you've gone through working hard and striving and being productive will always end with you catching sleep very soon after you get into bed.

That said, you have to be wary of pushing yourself too much because that will lead you to stress, which will take you down a very, very self destructive path. There's nothing wrong with relaxing, that's why we sleep. You deserve to have a lazy day once in a while to re-boost your enthusiasm. We are humans after all and can't perform like clockwork. We can't be constantly pumped towards excellence. Our moods swing, we have our body and hormones to fuck with us, among other external things for example assholes to deal with in life. Our emotions do get the better of us and we need to humour them before they slowly turn us into wrecks who almost seem like they can't be helped.

Vow to yourself today: Stop with your mindless occupancy and don't just take space in the world. The world owes you nothing but you owe everything to the world, but most importantly, you owe it to yourself to continuously self improve. Because self improvement leads to a higher self esteem, and when you have that, loving yourself is simple. And why should you love yourself you stupidly ask? I've thought up up 31 reasons why you should. I'll stop with this writing now because I'm starting to sound very know-it-all, self-righteous and annoying to myself.

4 comments:

  1. I begin to feel almost humbled and unworthy by what i read. Lying here in my bed at 4.32a.m wide awake...waiting for sleep to come, after another rather wasted day...

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  2. Love you and your wise words x :)

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