She

She is running down an endless staircase, all she can see is what's down. The stairs are crooked, she knows she must walk carefully lest she falls but she's wallking so fast it's almost like she's falling. She can hear the creaking sounds from the wooden stairs she's treading upon. There is darkness below, it feels like she's in a house, except that it's not a home, it's eerie, there is fear inside her gut, ever increasing. She knows she's being followed. Apart from running away from them she's also heading somewhere below; to something in the darkness below that's so tempting, and with the feeling of morbid fascination mixed with overwhelming fear she's falling and falling and falling inside this deep gorge of nothingness. Her mind is devoid of thought and she can't speak even if she wanted to. The Listeners will never hear her voice, for they are reading her soul. Then... THUD. There is a crash, a loud deafening crash that pierces through. She feels as if her brains have blasted. And though it is supposed to hurt she doesn't feel the pain. She is drowned in inexplicable, incredible, and indescribable ecstacy. Out of the world. Then blinding breathlessness overcomes her. She is dying, she can feel the blood drenched all over her white gown. Hot and cold, warm and dry and she is soaked in the pool of her ruins. She can distinctly make out the old familiar voices. She wants to cry out, tell them that she is in a safe place, that she is now more free than she could have ever been if she lived a whole life. But then no words would come out. She is now floating in a white bottomless world. No body, no face, reduced to nothing but a beam of light. White bright light surrounds her and she can hear nothing. She can't do anything. She can't feel anything. If life was an illusion, this afterlife is her reality. Death hasn't brought her the freedom she had been longing for. A mere speck, her soul, in a world of white, in a world of snow.

Magic Moments

Every time I remember my school days, memories flood my mind, brim full; memories of different days and a different life altogether. Memories of the people from that glorious life and incidents that make me yearn to go back, freeze in time and stay a child forever. My childhood was a place of freedom, a place of comfortable dreams and free all-you-can-eat ice-cream and chocolates with the joy of a lifetime compressed in those tiny years.
My earliest memory is of waking up in the wee hours of the morning, the pre-dawn incandescent tube light of the room opening my sleepy eyes, the bustling activity of getting ready for school and eating a small breakfast with my sister before rushing downstairs and waiting for the school bus, Mother yelling in the background to be careful not to jump in the puddles. There in school, in the company of my little friends we would listen to tapes and make clay bracelets, play in the mud, run around chasing each other, playing hide-and-seek and then hiding in the tree-house that was the centre of our universe, giggling uncontrollably all the while.
Holidays were an integral part of my life, and I looked forward to it minute by minute. I had to compulsorily participate in all the summer activities of swimming, basketball and so on. I would read ‘Secret Seven’ and ‘Tom Sawyer’ and other such classics and get lost in the fantasy world of the fascinating characters. My sister and I would fuss for hours over Barbie’s hair, carelessly using all the shampoo in pampering the 19 of the plastic dolls with the pride of a rich landlord. Those days of utter innocence and childlike questions regarding the most absurd things were just divine.
I recollect how, one day when me and my sister sat at the balcony, sharing a binocular to see a faraway ship on the sea, a pigeon flew over to the parapet and built a nest in front of our eyes, unsuspectingly catching our awe and interest. Regularly we would come to spy on the bird’s haven, and we were ecstatic when the pigeon laid eggs outside the window. But one day, we discovered the nest was no longer there, and we became so sad about it that we did'nt get over it for days.
A memory echoes in my mind, thinking about the past. It is of a time when I was only eight, a playful school-girl, her biggest worry being about petty little tea parties and cooler Tiffin boxes. Mother was my pride and my super hero. I showed her off to all my friends; her amazing food, her beauty and her grace. I was cross-eyed about Mother, and often I would watch her getting dressed, lipstick shimmering, earrings dancing and her bright beautiful eyes brightening my spirits. Father, Mother and my sister Kyra, we would all go for weekly dinners, drive-in movies, the works. We were a happy family, and we did what all happy families do.
But then dramatically, tragedy struck, and the happiness was to end. In the year of 1998, when I was barely a grown-up, Mother was diagnosed with cancer. There were tests, and there were hospital visits and then there were more tests, and more hospital visits, until one day Mother’s health worsened and she was admitted in the hospital.
After that, Father put us in a boarding school, far away from the world of pungent hospital air and tears. I was completely heartbroken and felt utterly helpless all the time. I hated the boarding and despised everything about it. Mother was transported cross country for treatment and I was beginning to believe that I wouldn’t see her again. Crying into the pillow late in the night and praying in the chapel of our convent school, Kyra and I were inconsolably miserable about Mother. The only thing positive about that experience was Father visiting us monthly, giving us treats and making us feel happy again, and giving news about Mother.
Then after two years of gruelling anticipation and long days of deep remorse and anxiety, our prayers were answered. I got to see my mother, though she wasn’t looking perfectly healthy, she was healing, the cancer gone, but leaving its scars in everyone’s life. It was a magical moment. Seeing her in that hospital bed, lying there and looking so fragile and so frail, tears streamed down my face and my heart rejoiced as I went to my mother, embracing that small person, that person for whom I owed my existence to
Often in life there are times when you feel so overwhelmed with happiness, it’s almost unreal, like magic. But when I saw my mother there, after believing I wouldn’t see her anywhere except in my dreams or in heaven, I did feel the magic, and I’m sure it was.

My Rant On World Peace

So yesterday I watched "A Mighty Heart" on Star Movies. And to my own surprise, I was left so shaken, that I started writing this in the middle of the night.

The Rant

Peace and love is the most sought after thing in the world. It's so sad, we're not even trying. And even if we are, we are not trying enough, like children, we are resorting to force to get what we want, even if its bad. And evil is outnumbering the good, or perhaps the good is not putting forward a good enough fight. If we as humans are fighting among ourselves, then what are we fighting for? And how long will we be having these wars? Until a large enough number of people come forward and make it clear, make the point that it's so pointless, and instead of signing fancy treaties and pacts that are revised all the time, we should just not fight. I mean, we are so cruel to one other, BEHEADING! KILLING! BOMBS, WHAT NOT! How long will we kill, in the name of God, in the name of peace, patriotism, religion. Will we ever be able to join hands, be truly civilized? And Live in peace. Will we ever make it? Is it so impossible to unite the world, at least on humanitarian grounds, if not religion or nationality, to bring about a simple thing like peace. And love. Whatever happened to brotherhood, simple innocence's, an uncomplicated way of life? I guess that's why there are nations, religions, races. We just can't get along and be one big nation can we? We are all bound by a thread. If you come to see, the entire world is flourishing because of water. Imagine if we had no water, we'd be extinct within a week. Or salt!

Rant Complete

ABC of me..

A- Albino. don't know why, it just came to me!
B- Babies, I love babies, I wish I was surrounded by 100 babies all the time. Small babies but, as soon as they turn 3 they get annoying.
C- Cinderella. Its my favourite movie of all time. Timeless.
D- ? I'm thinking..D for dapple?! D for Dall? D for Dog!. yay!
E- Elephants. I love elephants. cute animals..
F- Frog. Fish fry, fanatics. don't like either!
G- Godzilla! I liked that movie..!
H- Harshita, she's my sister and one of my favourite persons.
I- India, "mera bharat mahan". Even with all the potholes and the corrupted politicians.
J- Jam with real pieces of fruit in it, especially strawberry and mulberry!:)
K- For Kamna, M-E
L- Lameness of life, which is perpetual in my case.(what am I saying?!)
M- Mother. The only person who can love you unconditionally.
N- Nature. The reason for our existence.
O- O for oxygen. I love the song by Colbie.
P- Pretty. Oh I'm so pretty :) lame, told you!
Q- Q for QAT, I don't know what it means, but it always helps me in Scrabble. Arre haan, it means "an evergreen shrub".
R- Ratatouille. I loved that movie. Hate real rats!!!
S- S for stupid, because that's how my ABC is going!!
T- Tangerine, I love tangerines, I can eat 6 at a time!
U- Under my umbrella ell la ella ey ey..(sorry taneesha, this is the best use of U!)
V- Variety Kellogg's cornflakes, my favourite, it comes in different small packets. :D
W- Witchcraft, my most obscene ambition in life!
X- XU, XI, XE these are the only 3 letter words you can make in scrabble. (shit i am obsessed!)
Y- Yay! one of my favourite words!
Z- Zee TV?! Zebra(is the black stripes on the white body or the other way around??)

My WISHLIST

So I was lying on my bed this afternoon listening to my iPod, when I started thinking about things I really want to do in life, like a wish list. Here it is,

• Climb Everest. (Totally cliched, I know, but who doesn't want to be on the top of the world!)
• Skydive.(My dad's done it, and it's on video..just hope i do it without chicken-ing out!)
• And Bungee Jump.(Okay, maybe not, maybe ill faint just looking down!)
• Come on a reality TV show like "Moment of Truth" or "The Amazing Race."
• Meet and write a song and perform with any one of my favourite artists(Highly unlikely, but a dream's a dream)
• Live in a country home, you know, lakefront mansion, tea on the porch, the works.
• Go to as many wildlife national parks around the world. I do want to see the animals before they are extinct.
• Sleep in a four-poster bed. And a water bed.
• Drive on a road that never ends, not too fast, again on a country road. Hopefully.
• Learn how to dance, properly, any dance form. (belly dance!)
• Learn a foreign language. French, Portuguese, Spanish, any! (and have secret conversations no one understands)
• Experience something out of the world, magic, anything spiritually significant.
• Write a book.
• Travel continuously for a year, at least.
• Fall in Love, true love, with some one like Rhett from "Gone With The Wind" and not mess it up like Scarlett did. (Okay, this one is dramatic)
• See the best sunset, or sunrise, whatever, anything beautifully moving.
• Encounter a personality as great as Gandhi or something, just to be momentarily mesmerized.
• Sing from the soul and dance to the music of the world, actually, first be able to listen to that sound, like Brida can, but then that's fiction. Or is it?
• Now I am blabbering. Something more real now. I want to sleep in Egyptian cotton. (Don't ask me, Gwen Stefani thinks it's "luxurious")
• Yeah, I think that's about it, but then people never stop wishing or dreaming, do they? An update soon.
• Oh ya! I want to also have a chance-meeting with someone I haven't seen for a long time.

"The Unexpected Return"

She was sitting on the beige carpeted floor of the motel room crying unstoppably like a baby. There were shattered pieces of china and blood all over the floor. Kim was sitting crouched in front of a corpse of a thin and hideously scarred man. In her hand was a small note, almost completely covered in blood. It read, “Kim I was innocent. I came here to see you for one last time. Your daughter is very beautiful, just like you, and Ben is a good man, just like you described him to me once. I wish you three a happy life. I won’t be here anymore. I am dying of lung disease. I love you very much. Goodbye.” Her husband Ben walked into the room shocked to see the sight before him. “Kim, Are you alright? What happened to Mr. Ross? Oh my god he’s dead!! Why are you crying?” She was not in a state to answer. All she did was hand over the note to her husband. He was clueless and even more confused. He embraced her to make her feel better and asked for an explanation. He said curiously, “do you know this man? I don’t understand...” Kim got a hold of her self and sat on the bed staring with swollen eyes at the scarred face of the dead man in awe. She said after a long wait, “Ben, I lied to you. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. I should have. I’m sorry…this man was my husband.”
Kim continued with her story… “Ben this is not Mr. Ross. This is Harvey. I could not recognize him when he checked in on the day before. The truth is that I was married to him and never got divorced. I ran away from him for my safety. I thought he was a murderer. It was on the same day I met you on the ship. That night I lied to you because I wanted to leave the past behind me. I was in need of a new beginning. It was you who I loved; I didn't think it would matter. I wanted to start afresh, forgetting everything that happened. When you went away to work in the navy promising that we would get married when you return my mother got me married to Harvey. I could not defy her because I loved her too much and it was her dying wish. I could not shatter all her hopes and dreams so I agreed to marry Harvey despite my love for you. I had lost all hope on the dreams we shared together and lived with Harvey for five years trying to forget our love but I couldn’t.
Harvey was the head of the factory my father used to work in. The only reason my mother got me married to him was because she thought he would be able to take care of me and keep me happy because he was a rich man. He seemed like a nice man but I never trusted him because the truth is I never really knew him. The truth is none of us did. He told me he loved me but I never loved him back. I told him about you and that I would never love another man but it seemed like he still hoped that one day I would love him back.
One day when he was away on a business trip and I was home alone I decided to take a walk to the supermarket. When I was walking back home I was stunned to see Harvey’s picture on a wanted poster in front of the police station. Apparently he was wanted for a serious crime. He had killed an old woman. I was scared. I was all alone and did not know what to do. That is when I decided to leave. I made my safety a reason to leave him. He was never angry or unjust with me. The truth is I used that as my opportunity to think of him as a bad person. I know I was wrong now. I did not ask for the truth. I used that as a justification for my own actions. I did not care whether he was a criminal or not and so I left, leaving him a note saying that I was never to return.
That is when we met on your cargo ship. You were like a silver lining around all the grey clouds in front of me. A new hope was formed, hope to start a new life and forget about Harvey. That is why I chose not to tell you that night. I’m sorry Ben. I feel guilty for not telling you and even worse for doing this to Harvey. Please forgive me.” Ben kissed her softly on her forehead and said, “Its okay darling, I can understand what a shock this must be to you. I’m so sorry. It’s not your fault Kim. Let’s put all this behind us…you know I love you.”

My Poems Continued

Almost Lifeless

What is my heart's desire?
Do i wish to stay, watch and wallow in self-pity and solitude?
Should i surrender to all the forces that are keen to absorb me?
Am I to leave, without thinking to sustain, uncaring and absurd?
Where am I to go and where do I belong?
The old past is forgotten, this deserted path is uncertain,
and what awaits me is completely questionable..
I've lost my sense of self, lost all that rightness in my head
And I'm devoid of an emotion..
Tearless eyes and a speechless mouth
What am I to say or do anymore?
is there an objective, or even a reason?
Lost more than I could ever forget
Loved more than I could ever forgive
The distance ever increasing
Pleasure and pain ever so fulfilling
Where am I? Am i already dead, is this how it feels?
Where have I left my heart?
I need it all back now, it's more than I've got
My life, my virtue, my everything

Always Knew

Knew it all, my past and my future,
& I can't not wonder, it's not so far from a thunder,
But i'm still hanging on,
Waiting and Expecting..
I'm still holding on,
Faith Unbinding.....

Goodbye

Im fed up of saying this word,
Longing for a life that isn't this difficult..
I know it's waiting out there somewhere,
However predictable it is,
I'm yet so unsure about it..
I might drift off somewhere in the middle of this journey to a good life..
In the middle of this anticipation...
Someday...Somehow....?

I Try..

There's a song I want to sing,
A voice that i hear,
Something inside of me..
It's like some kind of indescribable mystery
I'm trying so hard to let it out,
It's so strange because everything around me is so real...

A Short Story

Love Happens

He was a short man of forty-five. Short because of his high-temper, his hastiness and ofcourse his height. His name was Richard Parker and he was quite good-looking for his age. He had a sort of businesslike aura about him. He had stubby fingers and was kind to people in general. He was fit and had deep blue eyes. He lived at No. 34, High Street and like most of New York City's working professionals he lived alone, occasionally going to the bar for a drink for he needed to relieve himself of all work-related stress, or else try to find himself some company.
He worked in a bank as a chartered accountant and he worked so much he hadn't any time for marriage or kids. Therefore, he was unmarried, celibate for as long as he could remember and extremely lonely. His work was monotonous and his salary exorbitant. Richard hardly slept for six hours and practically lived on innumerable cups of coffee. He often thought about changing his job, settling down, and making a family but these thoughts were fleeting as he didn't or mostly couldn't have time to think about love or marriage.

However, he still remembered the girl whom he so much adored. She was about an inch shorter to him; a petite woman with short and straight jet-black hair, sea-green eyes, a quick friendly smile and sweet to talk to. He would go to the nearby cafe where she worked and see her everyday as an excuse to buy his morning cofee before retreating to his boring little cell at the bank. But one day she left, like everyone in his life for a place called Takeeshi or something. He guessed it was one of the Asian countries and slowly moved on and forgot her.
It had been months since that happened, and sometimes he still thought about her. "She must be married and happy". Richard wasn't friendless, he had those kind of casual friendships with the barman(he did know his name, "Bob, i think"), his colleagues(though it was just all about "Hello, how are you?"), the launderer("He did lend me a nickel the other day.."), etc. etc. Yet the lonliness lingered. Sometimes, he would go to the park, mostly on Sundays when he would have leisure time to himself, sitting on the grass, reading those Sidney Sheldon books, or taking a mile-long jog.
On one such visit, sat on his usual bench and watched the passer-bys. He took out a ciggarette(he smoked only when he was particularly unhappy) and started puffing slowly. He felt intensely pensive today after a hard day's work, meditating on the previous week's sundry events. He was looking at the pond. A strangely large duck was waddling peacefully, it's eyes unblinking, almost fearful. There were schools of tiny fish swimming below and on a clear day, even the many silver coins would be shown, though now there were only slight traces of silver showing. People probably believed that it was a lucky pool; that they would get what they want if they tossed in a dime. Lazily, almost amusingly he dropped a small dime into the pond. The duck, slightly alarmed by this, swam a little further away from Richard.
He got up and started walking, he glanced towards the children's park, two-three year olds being carried or strolled around by young, vivacious parents and toddlers throwing loud tantrums of "Mommy! please let me go on the see-saw, pleeeasee!!" or running along excitedly trying to catch their little friends. He said to himself, a mere spectator, "How nice would it be to have one of them." Quickening his pace, he decided to get himself a pet. A cat, "no i don't like them", or maybe he would buy a dog. That would be nice.
Further ahead, he saw couples, either resting, jogging, chatting, or simply enjoying the place and each other's company. He breathed a sigh deeply(he must be right at the centre of the park, for here the air was pure, unlike the pollution of the city). " They are so much in love..what would it feel like to have someone who can read your soul, who can love you?" He wondered whether anyone would want him, who'd even care.Then as though on impulse, he started jogging rapidly, away from the world of lovers, away from that sinking feeling. He'd gone full circle of the circular garden and now found himself back at the pond. And then, just as he started approaching his bench, it hit him.
Sitting there on the seat, staring mindlessly into space with those bright blue eyes was a friend, a lover, someone like him, someone for him. She looked so sad, so lonely. Yet there was something about that kind of sadness, that kind of loneliness. "Yes," he thought, "She's just like me, she's been working tirelessly, trying to search for something important, someone important..".
He went upto her and sat right next to her. She looked at him wearily and somewhat hopefully. Then she managed a warm little smile. "She is so beautiful" he thought. Perhaps she found him the way he found her. Perhaps this was it. Slowly, Richard introduced himself and within minutes they had clicked, they were now discussing almost everything that happened in their buzzing, city lives. She suffered two failed marriages, was now working at the city zoo as a trailer, and her name was Violet. He thought, "Just like a flower is she, she has brought me her scent."
And when Richard went home that night, for the first time in his life he felt content. No amount of money or good health ever made him feel this way. He had her phone number, they would meet again tommorow and the day-after and the day-after that, same place, same time. That night Richard slept soundly, much more than six hours..after a long, long time.

My Poems

Nature & Me

Sitting up, staring out,
Today I dream so pensively;
above the clouds that surround me,
What can there be?;
Wish I’d fly and see…

The casuarina tree in front of me,
Standing so tall so as to make me see,
The envious beauty of majestic spree…

Then, the clouds all like a crowd,
The silver lines and the sun’s lime,
All to make me smile…

I feel that kiss of the butterfly’s mist,
And that seamless river sings to me,
Of the plans it’s concave shores have for me…

Over the river and through the woods,
The cottage, oh! So history;
How lonely, and anticipated,
Reminds me of a mystery in a confusing secret…

The grey clouds crowning me,
Crying, with such joy and glee
Oh! Just how much do I love this rain on me…

Then I jump back to reality,
From immortality to mortality,
From pensive so happily,
I fall into the natural bliss;
Of eternal peace that’s always dismissed…

The end that never ended…

My world’s coming to an end
I’ve been chased away
Not quite convinced
I’m not only broken into two
But twisted and turned.
I’d lose myself completely
If I’d leave. Guess there’s no ‘if’,
Not that I’m stubborn
But if these tears turn into time
Not a page of my life’s fat book
I will ever turn.
Feels so dead, feels so lost
But though I’m so dead,
I don’t want to be buried
And though I’m so lost,
I don’t want to be found.
I’m not ready for the end
Nor am I for a beginning
I’m just flipping through it all
Unsatisfied with just how tall
This book of my life is.
Although I am in dreamy disbelief
My future has never been so close to me.
I’m not a kid, I’m not a baby,
But I’ve been driven away.
Why are people talking to me?
The best help is letting me cry.
Why don’t they understand?
This brief sedation,
And this emptiness altogether.
I want to be alone
Want to be outside-inside
But I still feel so in-between
I want to scream out aloud
Looking out, I want to look in.
So leave the unconsciously conscious
The hopelessly helpless,
And let her dream her living
The better ‘she’ for her selflessness
I’m not sulking it all
I don’t want to do it all
But without anything at all
I want to undo it all.

All My Life

I’ll be growing all my life,
Because every passing moment I’m better,
I’ll be learning all my life,
Because now the past feels lamer,
I’ll be crying all my life,
Because that will make me stronger,
I’ll be smiling all my life,
Because I know in my heart it’s easier,
I’ll keep my eyes wide open,
Because I never know when it gets faster,
And all my life I’ll be climbing,
Because that’s what ladders are made for!

Solitude

They’re all looking at me with obvious sympathy,
Is it because I’m this numb?
Or is it cause they think I’m dumb?
I can speak you know,
Things they will never know..
But I don’t care really,
I’m better off alone…
Wondering, wandering on my own.
I’m better off all by myself,
When I am figuring out life’s paths.
I wish they knew,
So that they couldn’t look through me..

To Console Oneself

My eyes are tiring away
And it’s so heavy on my heart
Every breath I take gives birth to deeper sighs
But I won’t cry
For my eyes are too stubborn
No, I won’t speak
For these lips would not dare
But I can’t fall apart
I have to live
And have to try to get through this
I can’t fall weak and waste time
I have to find a cure, I’m too sure
Cause there’s many things I have to do
Got to move on, it’s something I haven’t tried
After I cried and wasted my life,
And watched the walls crumble to the ground
But I know that it’s not that I won’t build them up once more
And build them strong…
Because I don’t want to trip again….

On The Wrong Sight

Things the way they are
Now why do they seem so far?
I sit here and wonder
What is it that I have blundered?
Things are different
And all it does is make me iffy
Things weren’t all so much icky
The way I’m feeling
The way it’s all changing
And why does it seem so hard?
And yet so much easy?
If only I could find the proper key
And learn to twist and turn it
I wonder how long I would take to open the door
But only, only if I have the right key
And yet I know I must have it with me
I know I’ll have to find it to be me.

Walking Away

Walking away now it seems so far
I think I should rest and see what I’ve passed.
I can see a line
A red dark line
Even though it’s getting on my nerves
I just can’t seem to notice
I’m sitting here and wondering
Why is it so embarrassing?
Is it the limit that I crossed?
Or is it merely the starting line?
I’d like to believe that
But all this crap I’m feeling inside
Only tells me that I should have realized
Before wasting so much of my time
And tripping over the line
Two years of buying some shit
From some boy I knew
Who laughed at me through
Now I realize
Now it puts me in shameful disguise
All I do is despise
But I still question myself sometimes
How could I ever have been so blind?

Changes

What changes did I see in you?
Did you cut your hair?
Or broke your heart again?
Are you pretending?
Or is this for real?
Cause the last time I saw you
You were real to me
So take off this mask
It’s the most important task
And let go, free me from this thunder
Cause this is like a faker
That’s making me hollow
And it’s becoming harsher
For me to see
If it is you, or is it me?

Listen, Won’t You?

Let’s go to the terrace
We need to find ourselves
It’s okay, you can spare me a little while
I can’t let this happen
We’re drifting away
I’m crying now
Will you come here?
I need your shoulder
I’m lonely, left out and I’m mourning for you
You are the only one who understands and knows me
I don’t want to smile now
Who am I faking anyway?
And I don’t want anyone else
It’s a horrible feeling
When I’m around
And I’m patting you to listen to me
Don’t you remember
The way we laughed and cried..?

Behind Black Eyes

Said those words
That made him a bird
Saying it is a mistake
Which now I got to repent
Want to just forget
But it keeps holding me back
Keeping me off-track
Such an annoying thought
That gets me caught up
All in all, I’m the one to blame
For setting this crazy sight
On you, to put me in shame
Now I realize after all the criticize
I hate him man (shit I spoilt it!).

Over-Replacing the grimace with senseless humor..

How long will you take to knock my door?
How long will I wait for you to score?
How long will it take for that one short glance?
I’m waiting here for you and will be for long enough;
Because just how long did it take for me to fall?
Just how didn’t I know it’d not work out?!
Now I know it never was,
After the blows that you had caused,
That made me take that one last cross,
Over your heart that never was!
I didn’t cry on that last goodbye
It was useless for me to even sigh
I didn’t even care
Because nothing’s what I got when I broke your heart
But I got one tart and left you with a fart,
And now you stink!
And now I must wink..
So that you can think,
That even I can blink!
And walk away, faraway
From where you are..
Because now there’s no bar
For me to stay
And watch you pray for me to leave
So that you can be free from the “flea” like me..

FRIEND-The Importance

I want this to go away,
It’s a terrible thing that just can’t stay.
It’s funny how I’m feeling inside,
Laughing as if I didn’t cry,
Crying as if I’ll never laugh.
Waiting for a thought I’ve still to think of,
I’m just so tired of listening,
When I’m dying to talk to someone.
All these lonely days,
There’s none left to love,
That you wish life would go away.

All the suicidal drama of me…

The anticipation grows,
Aye, doth nimble feet not be aroused.
The sighing continues forever after,
The lady screams in desperation for a life,
And the cowards moan to retire.
Yet the luckiest of them all;
Deserves beloved death.
You die again and again and life keeps watching…
Conscience ‘fraud’ keeps blinding something’s left undiscovered…
Death, be not afraid, overcome the whole of me…
Make me alive and whole again…..

Pretend

I’m just faking it all away,
‘cause it’s easier to let go
But still secretly have it
It’s easier to fake it
Than to face it
I’m just walking along the way
‘cause it’s better to never know
It’s better smiling than frowning
I am so lost today
And I can’t find my way
But that’s honestly OK
Never knowing whether I will stay
Never knowing where I will lay

To Be Loved…

You’ve gone faraway from me
I could’ve stopped it
But I sat staring at the walls
Growing old and turning into an empty page
You said you will return
Well, I’m waiting for that unexpected turn,
I am unloved.. Worthless and torn
Please come back ‘cause it’s hard living and breathing…
Waking in the morning, it’s hard facing and faking…
I want to believe that it’ll be okay…
That it is just a phase and you’re coming to stay…
But these shut doors and pains of my torn soul
Only remind me of your upsetting departure..
Loneliness has filled my soul
And it creeps inside and takes control
And I don’t know how to begin
‘cause I’m giving up on everything
I just wish you could come back
And everything would fall back
Back to the place where you belong
And back to being loved and cared for again
‘cause this feels wrong and its been so long
Since we’ve walked along
So come back, put an end to this separation
I need you the most now
I need to be loved…