A love note to ideas

I worry about -

- not having enough space for you

- the available mindspace not being fertile enough for your nourishment. Like a middle aged Indian aunty fussing over a houseguest

- the confines of my mind not being enough for you to be conjured with the sass and spontaneity they show in movies. No fiery a-HA! moment would be possible because of all my careful caution

- not being open enough and rejecting you without reasoning

You're just an idea who will -

- pay only as much rent as would be the agreement 

- take up only so much space as per my consent 

- continue your tenancy for only as long as I want you around 

- stay conspicuously absent unless I bring you front and center to the living room of my head

You're just an idea who could -

- breathe new life into old, likely rusty, chains of thought

- delicately or assertively rubbish old comfortable notions 

- change the way I feel about the morning sun 

- radically impact my sense of humour about life 

- fuck with my deep seated complacency 

I see you for what you are while you're outside my mind -

- defenseless

- standing on just the one leg

- hopeful

- a stranger not entirely in disguise

- cleverly trying to create familiarity 

- as if you need me more than I do

But if I let you in, all I have to do is -

- welcome you with fortification and whole hearted acceptance

- not question you or be so suspicious of your motives

- understand how potent you could be to aligning or altering the other solid ideas you will make your acquaintance

So I just need to be aware of the fact that

- you can only be brought to life with my adoption of you

- you can't sustain outside of my brain for too long as time is fleeting 

- you rarely make a stop like meteors from a big bang

- you chose, of a billion other minds, mine to visit

- you're already mine, regarless of whether you'll belong in my mind 

- you are precious, and you have purpose, just like the mind you intend to inhabit

If I had to make sense I wouldn't ask for your 2 cents

Where are the holes in this smooth blanket?

Forgotten like long buried potted plants from the nursery

Woe is me again as I'm 

Swollen and puffy

from dental surgery

Could you snooze & doze till noon?

Dreams of lavender fields

& cherry blossom trees

Sunday morning feeling

all the way

through September and June

What can be scary at this height?

Friskiness and recklessness

feeling like buddies

Only and always, at the very edge

do I dare to recognize

my self inflicted plight 

Will we sit in pregnant, forebearing silence?

Observing with awe

new lines on each other's forehead

Like in a new school notebook

With every swoop of a tightly held pencil

a small imperceptible smile of confidence 

Would it be ridiculous to splurge on both a new guitar and piano?

The frilly white dress is hanging off the window sill in plain sight

My hair is fresh, too damp from my longish shower 

It's been 2 years since I wrote a song

So if you nod now, I may take that to positively mean "no"

Why do I love the logical?

You have to entertain the possibility of the wrong path

Simulate the path till the wrong end is seen in the mind's eye and ruled out 

So the satisfaction when you arrive at the right path is all the fruitier

And I like fruits and fal

Spot me some supper and send me on my way

1997

Sipping directly from a gigantic orange while in the backseat of the Jeep on the way to Abidjan

2000

Salivating over a box of mulberries in the Opel Corsa through the ghats on the way to Panchgani

2004

Stuffing myself with fresh Rabdi from a clay pot in the 2nd class sleeper train at Mount Abu station

2005

Snarfing down a quintessential NYC hot dog while admiring the Lady of Liberty on the Staten Island Ferry

2006

Sitting, mind simmering with steaming plastic containers of Gushtaba on my lap in the Shikara on Dal lake

2010

Sampling my first ever Starbucks gazing out of Star Ferry on the way to Tsim Sha Tsui

2011

Sharing a pack of Haldiram's Aloo Bhujiya on the bus to Mysore Palace

2013

Snacking on a Princessa candybar on the Polskibus to Krakow

2013

Satiating my appetite with some Boots meal deal sandwiches on the London Tube to Camden Town 

2015

Scooping greedy bites of strawberry cheesecake icecream on a Ferry in Sydney's Circular Quay 

2016

Snarfing down a magazine coneful of Sukha Bhel on a Local train to Vashi

2017

Savouring a 7-Eleven Onigri while on the Shinkansen to Shibuya

2018

Snarfing down an unhealthy amount of Skittles while riding shotgun into Flagstaff

2019

Swallowing handfuls of roasted whole peanuts on the Neeta bus to Pune