My heart is full of grace
for what I have, and been given
As those are two different things
What I have is what I choose to keep
What I've been given is by, of, and from love
My heart is full of hunger
for what I am to learn
So much to see and do
Seeking discomfort like a junkie
Yet anxious because of fleeting, slippery time
The newness of knowledge and unasked for wisdom
like holes in a blanket of complacency and self righteousness
My heart is full of discontentment
for everything I've told myself I need
but don’t have yet
Yearning and obsession with the idea that what I need will save me from who I am
like holding onto sand so tight that it's a palmful of nothing by the time I'm ready to open up
My heart is full of grief
for all I have lost
Versions of myself I miss like I would an old dear friend
Corners and drawers in a room that no longer exists
Except in the squiggly creases of long term memory
My heart is full of hope
that is largely little; sometimes large and sometimes little
Ultimately at the core is a forever optimist hiding behind the ruse of self-deprecation and self-pity
Hope that I will endure, I must endure
Ready to do the work
The work that is work enough
The end of the tunnel famously brims bright
