Inconsistent Soldier 💂

I'm the rescuer of suicidal black ants

I say it with the same honour as if I were the 'mother of dragons'

Before I use the bucket of water, I use a little mug to scoop out the floating black ants and delicately pour onto the bathroom floor

Wherefrom they lazily, almost unwillingly, scramble from water puddles to the safety of dry tiles

Before I step into the bathroom in the evening, I always make sure to not accidentally touch the wall and the little crack that is the ants' home

Except for the odd time I don't see them in the basin because I'm half asleep and inadvertently murder them all with one swift turn of the tap

🔮

Sunbathing on the small steps of the boarding school chapel by the swing set

Feeling the sun on my back; super warm on a December afternoon, a small comfort before the freezing winter evenings on that hillside property 

The memory, even while in it, felt almost like a previous lifetime

Some vague yet unputdownable and unmistakable instinct that I was there before

Not exactly there

Instead, I remember a too bright kitchen in a house with a large island in the middle

A proper country cottage 

With a very Taurus woman vibe: a lush green garden from the window

It almost feels like sacrilage to share in writing

Like a secret revealed

I hope it's not actually my future and I've not accidentally jinxed it by writing it down

The powers of manifestation weakened by bringing the elephantic strength of a gut feeling to the weakness of micelike scrawling

I remember writing little secrets like crush names in tiny, super tiny handwriting as an eleven year old

Barely visible little designs on the last page of a ruled school notebook

I'm the same Taurus woman with dreams of large kitchens overlooking a lush, love-made green garden

My contribution to the world: warm carb heavy buttery meals served to a family of two

Served with fresh lemonade hand-squeezed from two freshly picked lemons

Lol

The young guy in the 90s who would click on I'm Feeling Lucky every time he Googled anything became a billionaire

The young guy in 2025 who would ask ChatGPT every little of his many questions and stared at "Thinking..." about 50 times a day lost the ability to think by 2040

Kind Kindnesses 💫

Parenting your future self through:

saving snippets of memories in neatly organized albums,

saving coins in a plastic laughing buddha,

setting an alarm on your phone for calling a friend on their birthday,

sending yourself emails of important documents and starring it,

making a grocery list for every fruit and vegetable you want to eat in the coming month,

planning and booking weekend getaways,

getting your winter clothes out and laundered a few weeks before it gets cold

and more, so much more

all the little ways you love yourself as would a parent

is a sacred service and sanity salvaging

11:37

My feelings aren't commerically popular 

I'm an outcast like that 

If I feel sad, the entire room is sad

The flies on the floor to the moths on high ceilings share my sorrow

My ear cleaning isn't ordinary 

I'm wasteful like that

I need to be thorough, ear pillar to ear post must be ploughed 

I take 3 q-tips whereas the members of this home take 1

And for the tenth time this month I come back to my desk and it's 11:37 again 

To: Saturn's Rings 🪐

You can't feel a galactic oneness with the universe unless you feel detachment too, at least delusionally so

When I saw galaxies and planets through the telescope last weekend

I privately sobbed my eyes out, like falling hair to the tile cracks, like unreasonable fear to the faithless

Every day you take zero steps you are one step behind. That's the old spiel, right?

Every nook contains dust; whether you want to sweep it clean or let it slide under the bed is the question 

It's your choice to make

That is the beauty of agency 

To do absolutely nothing with sights so indescribably beautiful they inflect profound change in you

So you go from this:

Scrambling, like a stressed, overworked, undernourished (my bum disagrees in a silent non-smelly fart), woman trying to grab all her 6 bags and wear her stupid lace shoes 3 seconds before the automatic doors to her metro stop opens

To this:

On the last day of the year, I sure am getting off

I'm getting off time's back

Let time take its sweet time 

I can always get off at the next stop

Akela 🍌

Today's a good day to

Grab a banana

Go stand in the balcony in your pyjamas

Slowly eat it while basking in the afternoon sun

Meditate on the lush experience of indulgent fruity consumption 

Each measured, purposeful, mindful bite

A surprise full of sweet flavour

Mourn what could have been, the tree this banana's seeds will never birth

Its destiny was to live and die for me

The least I owe it is my single-minded devouring

Thankful, always for life's simple pleasures