Going to be gone

I made that arduous journey today
I thought that thought
I went there where the full spectrum of what I could imagine was realized
Mind, very unkindly, stretched to its maximum
Manifesting my deepest fear just through the power of thinking it, and without any transit
A red eye to what feels like self destruction 
At 3.33 am, am I to find my way back to sleepy oblivion?
Or am I too doomed, try as I might:
A mere prisoner locked in my own brain cells for the night?
I won't make any bones about it anymore
Had I faced the morning without this forced revelation, I would have been weak
Lasted about a miserable week
Before the thought, unthought and elusive
Would sprung up unwanted and unbidden
And then I'd be a body of just namesake bones
Not in the least ready to face the onslaught
The attack of the most unpleasant of all ideas
That one day all that will be left is bones
Soulless
Of the ones I hold on to so tightly
That I harbour attachment to beings who are but a phenomenon called existence
Of being human as a human being
That I am myself a phenomena 
Transient yet complete as a washing machine cycle
Going through the same preset of motions as those who have departed before us
What is waiting for us is hidden in plain view
Like a naughty child behind opaque curtains
We are but freed when its time to go is what is said
We are fed that our physicality is happilly abandoned for the freedom of flying
But it is truly the most unknowable thing
What happens when you die
All you can do is hope you leave for grazing greener grass
Theorize that it is a relieving, and revealing experience
Like the ultimate putting down of papers
The hanging of your towel after the last shower
Rinsing flesh that won't feel the gush of life
The towel, dried freshly by the sun brings warmth to the next user
That is all one can hope for
That is all you can do
That all that is knowable is neither why we came here
Nor where we go when we leave
But we can fulfill but a simple duty
We can leave behind comfort for those who outlive us
And with that resolution, I assume the responsibility to live so
To allow bodily functions like sleep to hijack me
To permit the day and all that it brings to take place
To live like a being attached to other beings
With hopefully just a little more awareness

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