Saturday, March 10, 2018

Yes, another one

What inspires dizzyingly colourful thought spirals?
Is it the continuous cobweb clearing that releases brain spiders from their innocuous hiding places?

They conducted a psychosis on her psycho sis and uncovered how she misremembered being dismembered in a Tuscan village shortly after sampling her very first authentic pizza

There should be new words being invented more today than ever before.

How much of the sanctity of the existing language is meant to be preserved and who dictates that?

There should be a word to describe what it feels like to finally explode your thoughts in one hot nonsensical jumble of words. I'm sure there is.

But she wasn't in a Tuscan village, that's another thing she got wrong. She was in a very droughty Tucson town. The very sonorous Sonoran desert wind felt like waves on her face when she posed limbless for her selfie with a rather constipated cactus.

You cannot help admire the sheer inventory game of the average Indian fruit stall vendor. Random boxes of kiwi and mangoes and chikoo sketchmarked "मुन्‍ना" and their deft skill of sharply slicing pineapple. And can I add how simply wonderful is their cross-selling game! Intricately adorned cane baskets framing each stall so wonderfully.

Protoplasmic healing of a wound is certainly helped when there is no will to bathe.

Is the perception of a pineapple's sweetness improved because of its outward harshness?

Tomcats are truly evil. They invoke a deep sense of terror when their eyes glow with feline famishment.

Why are seemingly egalitarian octogenarians so heartwarmingly adorable?

There should be a word for that special specific emotion old people evoke.

And with that I complete my kaleidoscopic thoughtscapade for the fine evening

Oh, and there obviously was nothing authentic about that Tucson pizza.

Thursday, March 08, 2018


How could I have written about it before I felt it? When I wrote about it as an overimaginative teenager, it certainly did feel like I felt it

What's 'it', you ask?

Feeling the Sunday sun on your head, the welcoming warm kiss of a fiery yellow friend on the back of your exposed neck, especially after a bland workweek of being eclipsed by office walls. Such delicious comfort.

But how desirable is such comfort if it bred complacency? And how much is the belief in your complacency driven by the convenience of that comfort?

The regularity of the comfort, rather the spontaenity or lack of predictability, perhaps determines the level of complacency.

But all of this is just overcomplication. Breaking things down is so easily overdone. It's like seeming guiltier when pushed to prove your innocence. Or burning the lasagna when shooting a live cooking tutorial.

But no matter truly matters if you're focused on keeping it simple

And luckily for me, your simple equals mine

Most times.

Sunday, March 04, 2018

Sue me

Sue's only issue was she misused GIFs while snacking on figs
Figs she didn't like: she usually popped copycat Kopiko coffee toffees when she felt most peckish
Parmit, her boyfriend, permitted only one GIF per day
Her absurd GIFs are what saw her forge far fewer friendships

One day she made a discovery of a very disco looking prairie dog
Ditched Parmit and her lousy non-GIF sending friends for a lifetime of life

Friday, January 12, 2018

⅜ is such a weird fraction

The futility of being fertile
When maternal instincts exist none

The uselessness of being useful
When you're not expected to contribute

The pointlessness of being pontifical
When nobody is even paying attention

Mean what you say for your saying to have meaning

That's what everybody says

But everybody also says what they don't mean sometimes

And that's okay

As long as when you're saying what you don't mean, that doesn't mean anything to you

Because of whom you're saying it to
Or why you're saying it at all

Do mosquitoes poop?
Do cows jump?
Do vegan babies breastfeed?
Or, the more logical question, do vegan moms breastfeed their newborns?

I like to be
In the comfort of what my nose knows

The smell of soap
The passing wafts of salt filled waves
Perfumes from people walking by I can never place
But smell so familiar

A chain of thought is lost
Because thoughts are unchained
One needs to anchor them to the front and center of the mind
Sometimes so fiercely that the fear of it being forgotten forever consumes your whole being
No matter you have a slow walker in your path
Waddling almost like a penguin with feet spread wide
You're going to circumnavigate the poor bulk of the fellow
You're going to merely glance at the sweet natured sleeping dog
You will hastily scrabble for keys
Until the thought is set free
Mightily typed out with stubby fingers
Right there, free for the world to read

But is it really free outside of the mind?
Or better forgotten, never to be recalled again?

Even if the thought is a silly little sentence with a pun about a nose

I think about lines and pencils gliding on paper especially when I am counting sheep
Sometimes two, or three
Pencils, not sheep
Sometimes I'll add 7 with varying thicknesses
And it always makes me sad when I realise, or shall I say, decide
That the parallel lines never meet

Monday, December 25, 2017

Flagged it

I realised recently that I have visited a whole bunch of countries whose flags have just white and red in them. As someone whose knowledge about flags is zero, this was quite eye opening. So I thought, why not visit all countries whose flags just contain white and red? Life is long enough :)


I've been to:
🇯🇵 Japan
🇵🇱 Poland
🇭🇰 Hong Kong

I must go to:
🇲🇨 Indonesia
🇮🇩 Monaco
🇦🇹 Austria
🇱🇻 Latvia
🇸🇬 Singapore
🇨🇦 Canada
🇨🇭 Switzerland
🇩🇰 Denmark
🇧🇭 Bahrain
🇹🇷 Turkey
🇹🇴 Tonga
🇹🇳 Tunisia
🇬🇱 Greenland
🇵🇪 Peru
🇲🇹 Malta

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Sunday Selfing

How well each day turns out is pretty much equal to which version of you decided to play frontwoman that morning. Today, being a Sunday, seems to have allowed my inner disciplinarian to show up. Of course, she does show up unannounced, but my other alter ego - insufferably spoilt child-adult is always armoured and ready to beat her down to a pulp.

I wonder a lot about self-love and I know now, probably always have known, that self-love is almost entirely dependent on self-discipline. It's crazy how much leeway you can give yourself in the name of being lazy, or tired, or lazy because of being tired, or worse: both.

I initially opened up my laptop to binge House of Cards but then somehow landed on here, writing about what I'm feeling, rather than doing what I seem to do every Sunday anyway.

I am guilty. I am guilty of letting my life pass me by and it's because I am Brutus-ing. I am torn between doing something and doing nothing about my problems. I am slowly inching up Maslow's hierarchy of needs and it's happening without my actively wanting it to happen.

This blog post is not about me proclaiming some big metamorphic personality change. I think it's just my way of accepting my insecurities, translating them into nice chewable words and maybe being able to do something about it. I'm going to document every little thing that's been bothering me about how I'm living my life in the hope that now that's on the public blogosphere, my guilt deepens and that induces action. What's scary is that I could feel better and continue to do nothing. But that's the risk I'll take. :)

How good is it to be self-aware? And be an over-thinker at the same time? Not so good. I'll tell you why. Because self-awareness combined with fluctuating self esteem levels leads to self-pity and self-deprecation. And ultimately, unwelcome posts like these.

It's hard being painfully honest with yourself. It's like being your own best friend who will tell you straight up to your face what's wrong with you when you'd much rather just pretend nothing's the matter. But I want to try, and I want to do it for the sake of catharsis, and self-improvement. Or whatever I'll tell myself. Even though I want to go back and count the number of times I've said "self" in this post already, I'm going to swallow the impulse and just get started. I'm going to just make a neat little list of everything I don't like and want to change about myself.
  1. I gobble. I literally don't chew. Case in point: while writing this, my mom decided I should eat breakfast. I must have gorged on the tea and parathas in no less than 5 minutes while thinking about what I'd write next and itching to get back to the laptop. I have lost count of the number of times my mom will look at me while we're eating dinner and say "Slow down, what's the hurry?!" And I try. I want to enjoy my food. I want to make it last and really chew. Take small bites and devour each one. But somewhere along the line, my relationship with food has gotten so bad that while I appreciate the sight and the smell, I need to finish the act of eating so that I can move on to the next thing. Because food's food right? It's just a meal to get over with. But no. I don't like that. I feel like I can't breathe sometimes after a meal or even during the day. And that's because I drink my water too fast too. My dream is that I mindfully eat; that I take charge of not just how I'm eating, but also what and when.

  2. I need to make use of the gigantic gallon full of apple cider vinegar I have. I hate being wasteful. I hate opening up my cupboard and making eye contact with that abominable container. I got it thinking I'll use it for my skin, hair, and overall health but I haven't found a way to regularly use the damn thing.

  3. Speaking of unused things, my mom got me this electric kettle a couple of years ago when I really got into brewing teas before bed. I just stopped using it. It's just lying there, a reminder of a lovely idea that I can enjoy a hot drink of water or tea whenever I'd like. In pursuit of a disciplined life, I imagine that I will use it every single day, morning and night.

  4. I work 9-10 hours a day and my work is very fulfilling, but I really wish I could squeeze in an hour of physical exercise everyday. It's the one thing that really bothers me. For the longest time, I would either be enrolled in some kind of Zumba or Yoga, hell even a CrossFit class but for the last 6 months, I've stopped all classes. This means that the chance of any kind of exercise happening completely depends on will. I tire easily, I sleep deeply, and I find it difficult to get out of bed. My stamina is shit. I am 25 and I recently found out that my metabolic age is 34. I fire myself up to go for walks, or start Couch to 5k programs, but that rarely lasts longer than a week. I make excuses: "It's wintertime, I am not going to ruin deep sleep for an early morning run", "I am not a morning person, I literally can't follow through", "I don't have any energy to do a post-work workout", and my latest excuse: "I'll wait for all my music to be uploaded to Apple Music and then start." It just goes on and on. I like my body and its curves and it's no longer about looking hot, but more about feeling strong and energetic. When I was in Japan, I used to easily walk some 5-10 kilometers a day and it was the most exercise I got all year. Everyday I woke up feeling so good, so full of energy and just so ready. I have an entire section in my cupboard devoted to just workout wear, again, going completely unused. Somewhere, I know I can do this. It's just a matter of saying, fuck it, I'm going to do this for me and no excuses allowed. I just need to start and not give up for a change.

  5. I'm getting older, and so is my skin. I would love to start a nice nighttime skincare regimen. I am already kind of getting there, what with the introduction of coconut oil in my life. But I want to have an elaborate system where I diligently follow steps so it's more satisfying to do.

  6. I've been going to Scrabble national tournaments once a year, every year, since 2010. And I'm not getting better. I don't practice, I don't prepare, and I don't play as much as I used to. I hate that I'm withdrawing from it when I love it so much. I get so into it for the 3 days that it happens, and for 10 days after, and then it just gets forgotten. My dream is that, in my newfound disciplined life, I get into studying lists (the best players study!), and I practice at least 4-5 hours per week.

  7. My music is so passionlessly ignored. I want to take up an instrument, ideally keys, and really get into studying music theory. I know that it will help me in composing. My songwriting skill needs a lot of work too. While I find it simple to write poems, I simply struggle with writing "normal people" lyrics and creating melodies. I would love to be able to create an additional source of income doing live gigs in a band, writing great music and improving my own singing skill. I feel like a copycat/mimicry artist sometimes: that I only know how to catch a tune and copy someone else's singing. That I have no original talent because I don't know how to or can't understand how to vocally harmonize. But I like that I think of my music this critically now. I think it will help me work on it and get better.

  8. I need to finish my knitting project. I started knitting this long wool blanket (for my future puppy/baby; whichever comes earlier) almost 3 years ago and it's still just the length of a washcloth. Ideally, I should be knitting mindlessly every time I am mindlessly watching TV. But it's wonderfully neglected in a drawer with my socks that I never open because who needs socks if you're not going to workout?
Umm... I think that's all the problems I have with myself. I actually feel a little better. Now back to resuming my "normal" Sunday bingeing session.

Wednesday, December 06, 2017

Zooming Around Zebras

Always be alert
Because cities burn

Cared? Didn't care.
Didn't even dare.

Eventually fire enveloped
Four gardens faraway
Good hearts grieved

He instantly headed
Inside Jameson Island

Jack's kinda jacked
Killed lovely kids
Lost men's lives
Mainland never mattered

Neither orders nor
Others' polite offers
Probing questions perhaps
Queries retracted quickly
Radio silence replies
Sadly terrible situation

Tomorrow under tornadoes
Using ventilators until
Very wonderful vividness
Watching x-rays with
Xeroxed yellow Xboxes
Yelling zoning yes

Thursday, November 23, 2017

No thanks I'm a Title Phobe

My friend Dennis whose friend is a menace plays tennis
Not the friend that's a menace but Dennis
He plays tennis and he went to see the dentist

The man went all the way to Venice
Not Dennis but his friend who is a menace
To reconnect with his woman then miss
Now missus she still wondered if men kiss
Each other in public like a pub is

Back to my friend Dennis
His molars are happier so he smiles like Elvis

Friday, October 20, 2017


I like the coming together of two words. My favourite words are compound words.


How dare you sneer at the sniggering nigger near you?
Just because you're wearing a Kimono over your monokini doesn't make you an anagram queen
Fortune is such that after you've gambled and struck gold, you could end up on the streets mangled and stone cold

How tightly you hold on and how much you surround yourself with clutter is in direct proportion
Which is why it's not entirely shocking to see a hoarder declutter
The science of clutter is intriguing
Zero utility with a generous dash of emotional security
If utterly neglected garbage is powerful enough to contribute to your mental health
It makes you wonder
What else is keeping a human mind stable?
How ironic is it that lack of sanitation enables sanity!

Decluttering can be very cathartic
It's like a cold shower after being outside in the hot sun all afternoon

It makes you realise that Sheryl Crow had the right idea after all:
"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got"

Sunday, October 01, 2017

8 Observations about Japan as a Tourist

It's been a few days since I returned from my holiday with my sister in Japan and I'm still happily recovering from the sights, sounds and smells of that literally fantastic country.

1) Amazing sanitation systems

Japanese cleanliness is simply unbeatable. Their toilets are the most elaborate you'll ever see. Self flushing? Check. Self cleaning? Yes. Self opening?! YUP.

They even have toilets where you can turn on recorded water flowing sounds for those who are self conscious about having too noisy a pee. My mind is most blown by the sheer options of ways your poop taking experience can be enriched.
I'm so tempted to start a retail business of Toto/Panasonic washlets!

2) Stations, JR Lines, Subways & Shinkansen

To a tourist, the public transport systems in Japan can be quite challenging to figure out just because of the complexity of various service providers and lines. Compared to the London Underground, which I found to be large, Japan's railway and subway system is easily a lot bigger, more intricate and complicated. As a JR pass holder, most routes are easy to figure out using a city map about public transport. We also found that the NAVITIME app made things easier. The Shinkansen bullet train experience is definitely recommended. The best way to describe the speed would be to say that it's like when an aircraft is preparing for take-off. It goes so fast, my ears would pop!

People watching is fun, and most of the crowd in the cities on public transport are office goers with iPhones and cute old people with Sudoku and other activity books in their frail hands.

As I work for a company that sells headphones and I've heard that in Japan it's considered disrespectful to leave before your boss does, I could tell the abject difference in quality of headphones with a 7 PM crowd and a 9 PM crowd.

3) Vending machines everywhere

I have to say, no man can ever be thirsty while in Japan's cities because there are vending machines for the most interesting drinks everywhere imaginable. Japanese people love their coffee and cold teas. I think they prefer coffee to tea, surprisingly as I saw in lots of cafes where the wording was "Coffee & Tea" and practically all their vending machine drinks are cold coffees from 100+ brands.

4) Unbelievably sheer stockings... or just great skin?

It's very hard to tell if a Japanese woman has stockings on or if her legs are just that perfect. This is not really a Japanism but this happened to me way too much to not strike out in my memory. I also admired everyone's hair there: so sleek, black and straight!

5) Iced water served at every restaurant

Every restaurant experience we had, the first thing we would get served is a nice glass or water filled with like 6 ice cubes. Now that I think of it, even the glasses looked the same.

6) Packets of tissues as handouts

Outside most busy stations, we'd inevitably get handed out some kind of ad campaign in the form of a packet of tissues. A pretty nice idea, I would think, as most people just chuck handouts, and with tissues, psychologically there's a lot of utility and safekeeping.

7) Cutesy advertising

There is nothing sexual or sensual about any of the female ad posters in Japan. It was very interesting to see how so many ads showed grown ass women in a childlike, innocent and dewy form. I don't recall seeing any ads with men in them either. I found this strange.

8) Sliding doors

It seems to me that the concept of sliding doors probably emerged from Japan seeing how its space saving and how much wood and glass is used. Very Japanese, indeed. We stayed at a 150 year old traditional house which had wooden flooring and sliding doors everywhere. I loved it!

9) Pachinko gaming buildings

We chanced upon a lot of deafeningly loud Pachinko gaming rooms full of middle-aged people (mostly men) playing arcade or first person shooter type of games in buildings where you're greeted by a well-dressed young woman. I saw a lot of people in their work clothing just sitting in front of a game with big mugs of beer and lots of cigarette smoking.